my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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