Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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