She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
