Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
