WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
