This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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