I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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