My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
