you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
