Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
