the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
