its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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