I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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