What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
