Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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