No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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