Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
