Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Randomize
