i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
