just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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