doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Apparently you make a good broom.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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