I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So squirting runs in the family.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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