The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
