dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
