but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
