how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Terrible idea I love it
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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