So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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