I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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