she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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