Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Drunk is a universal language darling
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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