I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
