loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
