nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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