Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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