: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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