I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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