dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
