Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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