Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
