I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
