just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
