There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As shirtless as possible
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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