Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
why do cheetos always look like penises
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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