Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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