Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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