There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize