Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize