do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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