You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
