I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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