i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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