everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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