my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
