You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
