Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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