I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
