Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
