I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
