New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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