Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
