True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize