he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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