drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
