my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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