Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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