when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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