just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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