Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
