i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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