And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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