then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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