I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
