So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
