i was born a porn star she said
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
