A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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