it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
